Couples

Marriage Counseling

Many people hope that they will never need to seek marriage counseling. They set out with dreams and desires for an emotional union that will provide fulfillment, joy, love and companionship forever. Life happens however, and the dreams sometimes seem difficult to obtain. Sometimes it's a partner's behavior, communication difficulties, differences in shared interests, an addiction, an affair, a family crisis, parenting differences, financial concerns or a personal crisis. Whatever the reason, frustration and hurt begin to erupt and one spouse may begin to ignore the other or worse, the couple moves towards divorce.

What most people don't understand, including many therapists, is that marriage renewal requires more than just communication skills; it requires increasing degrees of emotional maturity. Emotional maturity is a set of skills that includes the ability to identify one's emotions, understand the meaning of them, and then do or say something that is genuine and vulnerable. Contrary to popular myth, men, with training and support, can improve in the area of identifying and expressing their emotions. To do so they need to perceive that their environment is safe and that they will be understood (in “man-speak” the word is "respected"). Again, contrary to popular belief, conflict in a marriage is not indicative of a lack of emotional maturity and is also not a good predictor of divorce. However conflict that predicts divorce includes contempt, criticism, hostility, defensiveness and unrelenting passive aggression. The good news is that these types of behaviors, once they are understood, can be overcome and a marriage can become fulfilling again, even when one partner is initially reluctant to participate in marriage counseling. As amazing as it may seem, the change that can occur in therapy leads to the return of love, passion and sexuality.

One of the most frequent mistakes people make is avoiding their marital issues soon-after they arise. They may be afraid of offending their partner, or creating more conflict by suggesting marriage counseling. Couples may have become accustomed to deferring their own needs in exchange for the needs of their partners, in the hope that conflict with reduce, harmony increase and change will occur. Over time they may begin to feel lonely, ashamed or resentful when continual compromising doesn’t work. Couples become stuck in a pattern that leaves them either arguing about the littlest things or emotionaly distant which can be the beginning of the end if not addressed soon enough. This is where Dr Don Zeidlhack can help.

Dr. Don Zeidlack is one of the few Psychologists in the area that is Board Certified in Couples and Family therapy. He is also certified in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) which is considered by the American Psychological Association (APA) to be an empirically valadated treatment for couples. Dr. Don Zeidlhack is also certified to supervise other therapists learning EFT.

Besides providing weekly couples sessions, Dr Zeidlhack provides in person private intensive couples weekends in Central Oregon or via secure video.

If you are in need of assistance in any of these areas, call Dr. Don Zeidlhack, psychologist and marriage counselor, at 630-414-1050.